How to Quit Judgin’

I heard once that our first thought is what we’ve been conditioned to think, and our second thought is our own.

This really resonated with me because certain negative thought patterns and judgments seem to come almost instinctively. Often we see and hear certain behaviors and adapt them as our own. I noticed long ago that when I look at other women in particular, it is usually with some sort of judgement or jealousy. For many humans, this is what society has conditioned us to do. But why? Negative thoughts and judgments not only hurt ourselves and our own self esteem, but also our ability to connect with others. When we see others through our negative lens, it’s impossible to see the light that they truly possess.

One of the hardest things to do is to change our way of thinking, in any way, for any reason. After all, we have conditioned our brains to think this way. In order to change these behaviors, we need to replace them with different ones. After years of negative thinking, I have been working on changing my thought patterns. Just like changing your diet or starting a new exercise plan, it takes dedication and practice. What you put in is what you get out!

Just take the following steps as often as you can. It may seem like hard work at first, but it will become easier each time until you don’t even realize you are doing it! The ultimate goal is to not have to do this anymore, because your initial thought won’t need to be replaced.

Before you start this, let me give you some motivation by letting you know what it has done for me so far. It has made it easier for me to connect with others because:

  1. They aren’t intimidated by the negative thoughts and frequencies radiating off of me
  2. I can see their positive qualities and appreciate their mind and soul
  3. They feel the love and happiness that I’m sending out, and feel comfortable and safe enough to open up

Are you convinced yet? Keep in mind that these are just the pros in terms of my relationships with others; I can’t even begin to tell you what it did for my relationship with myself.

Alright, here goes!

  1. Forgive yourself for thinking those thoughts. Feeling ashamed or frustrated only adds another barrier. Understand that you are improving, and move on. Ask yourself the following questions to understand where that thought came from:
    • Do I really think that? (Is this thought genuine, or was it conditioned?)
    • Why do I care? Am I truly offended? (For example, you see a haircut that you don’t care for and you judge the person negatively for it. It’s their hair, on their head. Ask yourself why it really bothers you, and whether it should. Do you actually dislike the haircut, or is jealousy the root of your thought?)
    • How can I relate? (If someone didn’t like a haircut that you loved, would you be confident enough to rock it, or would you become self conscious and change it?)
  2. Replace the thought with something positive immediately. (I respect that they wear their hair how they love it, without caring what others think. I want to become that confident!)
  3. Smile, and know that you’re alive and well. Fake it ’til you make it!

How did adjusting your thought patterns change your life? Share below and be sure to add any other advice or tips that worked for you!


One thought on “How to Quit Judgin’

  1. Pingback: How to Stop Jealousy in its Tracks, and Why we Must | Help Me Love Humans

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